City Slickers: REWRITTEN
by Wolf of Silver Dawn
Summary: A rewritten piece of work that I did early in my Fanfiction career. Calvin and Hobbes try to escape from cleaning their room by running away to the city, but a villain lurks in the alleys, waiting to strike at the unsuspecting victim...better than first.


**A/N: After EerieQuiet did an MSTing of one of my earliest stories, I realized just how crappy the first one was. So this is my rewritten, better version. A lot of things are different in this; there won't be so many plotholes, not as many endless shopping lists, and the characters will actually seem more like the characters. So here we go...I hope you like it better than the first one.**

**Disclaimer: What? You really want a disclaimer? Fine. Nothing in the story belongs to me except for the idea…(idiots).**

Chapter One: Let's Blow This Place

It was early afternoon in a neighborhood on the outskirts of Moberly, Missouri. It was late summer, and all of the kids were beginning to feel nervous and depressed that school would start in a matter of weeks.

Especially a certain Calvin Icaron.

The blond-haired boy and his tiger were sitting on the porch eating ice cream cones.

Calvin licked his and said to Hobbes, "I bet my cotton candy sugar cake mix sugar bubble gum sugar blue raspberry sugar swirl tastes better than yours."

Hobbes stuck his tongue out. "I bet that I couldn't even taste that without dying of a heart attack. Besides, my butter pecan tastes a whole lot better."

Calvin shrugged. "More for me." And he took a giant lick, getting it all over his face.

Then his Mom yelled, "CALVIN!! HOW MANY ICE CREAM CONES HAVE YOU HAD??!!"

Calvin rolled his eyes and shouted, "I'VE ONLY HAD ONE!!"

"…hundred" Hobbes finished the sentence.

"Oh, shut up, you know this is my first one."

"And thank God it is, otherwise I think your brain would explode from the sugar overload.

Calvin shrugged. "I'd think that if my brain would do that from sugar, it would have exploded two years ago." "Well put."

Calvin and Hobbes finished their ice cream cones and went inside the house to watch TV.

The kid grabbed a banana to snack on, and sat down on the couch with Hobbes.

Calvin winced as his Mom said, "Calvin, no TV until your room is clean."

He groaned loudly and dragged Hobbes upstairs.

They entered his room and closed the door. Hobbes sat on the bed. "How to solve this problem?" mused Calvin, chewing on his banana.

Hobbes thought for a moment. "Well, you could always just do the job."

Calvin stared at him. "Excuse me?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes again. "I mean, 'I have absolutely no idea, Calvin, how about you put your brain to it?'"

"That's better." Calvin sat on the chest at the end of his bed and stared into space for a while. Then he snapped his fingers. How cliché.

"I've got it?" "Got what?"

Calvin slapped his forehead. "An idea, doofus."

"Ah, yes, 'a realization of a possible way of doing something or of something to be—'" "Shut up."

_Idea One: Sneak Out_

Calvin opened his door quietly. He looked around, then motioned for Hobbes to creep along.

The made it to the stairway. Calvin put a toe on the first stair.

_Creeeeeak_

"CALVIN!!"

"D'oh!"

_Idea Two: Sneak Out the Window_

Hobbes opened the window as Calvin tied the sheets together into one long rope. He then dropped it to the ground below.

Hobbes crawled down the rope and landed on the grass. He looked around, then nodded to Calvin. Calvin slithered down the rope and crash-landed.

He staggered up, and then who should happen by on the sidewalk but Susie.

"Hi, Calvin! What are you doing? Ohh, you've got your stuffed tiger!"

Calvin's Mom had had the kitchen window open, and she stuck her head out to see what was going on.

"CALVIN!!"

"Crud."

_Idea Three: Shove Everything Under the Bed_

Calvin had found an empty box and he put every small thing into it. Hobbes lifted the bed and Calvin pushed it under. Then he piled everything else under it, too. Hobbes set the bed down.

Calvin grinned wickedly. "Yes! OH MOTHER!! MY ROOM IS CLEAN!!"

Mom came up the stairs, and opened the door to find Calvin standing on a clean floor.

"Why, Calvin, it looks great!"

She stopped, and sniffed. She wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?"

Calvin froze. What ever had happened to his banana?

Mom looked at his bed. "I think it's coming from under your bed."

She lifted it up. She stared at the box and all of the crap that Calvin had pushed under there.

As well as the remains of a banana.

"CALVIN!!"

"Hmph."

_Idea Four: Put It in the Closet_

"Where are your clothes going to go?" asked Hobbes as he helped Calvin pull out all of his fancy-dress clothes. "In the dresser."

He shoved the clothes in the dresser and and dumped everything in the closet. He struggled to close the door. When he finally did, he slumped in a heap and panted. "Whew! I guess I have a lot of stuff."

Then he yelled, "MOOOOOOM!! MY ROOM IS CLEAN!!"

She went upstairs for the second time and opened the door. Calvin waited as she inspected under his bed. She nodded. "Looks like you're clear, Calvin."

He grinned widely. It was then that the closet door burst open.

Mom's face turned red and that vein in her neck bulged.

"CALVIN!!"

"_Rrrgh_!!"

_Idea Five: Sit and Mope_

"This sucks, Hobbes" grumbled Calvin. "We've tried everything I can think of! There's got to be a way to do this!"

Hobbes was sleeping.

Calvin went over and shook him. "GET UP, YOU STUPID LUMP OF FUR!"

Hobbes yawned. "Oh, dear, is it time for 'Garfield and Friends' already? Have we missed the theme song?"

Calvin sighed. "Until we find a way to get this room clean without doing anything, we won't be watching any TV."

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Don't you have an invention that'll help you with this?"

Calvin listed them off: "Transmogrifer, nope; duplicator, nope, time machine—"

He stopped, then a wild grin lit his face.

_Oh no_, thought Hobbes. _He's smiling again._

_Idea Six: The Time Machine_

Calvin commenced to pull out the Time Machine. "Hop in, Hobbes. We're going to solve this problem once and for all!"

Hobbes put out his hands and walked away. "Oh no. No no no."

"Yes!" urged Calvin. "Come on, Hobbes! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "No."

Calvin shrugged. "Suit yourself." He turned away and crackled a gum wrapper.

Hobbes was by his side in an instant. "What was that?"

"Just a snack…but you can only have some if you come along."

"That's blackmail!" Hobbes whined.

Calvin smirked and waited for Hobbes to speak again.

"Fine" Hobbes growled. "But I want the snack first."

Calvin gave him a piece of gum and pulled him in the box. He handed goggles to Hobbes, put his own on, then started the trip through time.

In less than a minute, they were 1 hour in the future.

Future Calvin and Future Hobbes leapt up at the sight of them.

"Hi!" said Future Calvin, shaking the hand of Calvin. "You must be Past Calvin."

"Yes, and I came to wait here until in my time, it reaches 4:00."

He looked around. Everything was exactly the way it was.

"How come the room isn't clean?!" he asked Future Calvin angrily.

"Because, 1 hour ago, I went into the future to see it clean!" replied Future Calvin with a frown.

Hobbes sighed. "This is ridiculous." Future Hobbes nodded. "Right as always, Hobbes."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine. I guess I'll think of something else."

He and Hobbes hopped in the Time Machine again and flew back to the present.

"That was all I've got" said Calvin miserably. "What are we gonna do now?"

"What we need" commented Hobbes, "is someone with the brains to think of something."

Calvin's face lit up. "That's it! Come on, Hobbes, we need to look for the Enhance-o-tron."

_Idea Seven: Put On Our Thinking Caps_

Calvin put the colander on his head. He fiddled with the knobs as Hobebs watched. Calvin closed his eyes…

…and felt his forehead grow larger as the smartness waves crackled over the metal kitchen accessory.

He took it off. "It worked! Think of something!" said Hobbes.

Calvin thought for a minute…then said excitedly, "I've got it!"

A moment passed. "No…I don't…" He grinned widely. "I've got it again!"

His face fell. "No, I lost it…"

Hobbes slapped his forehead.

Then Calvin said, "I've really got it this time! Hobbes, this could be the answer to all of our problems!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Whoop-dee-do."

Calvin's eyes shot open, he pointed a finger to the air, and screamed, "MY MOTHER WANTS ME TO CLEAN MY ROOM!!"

And the awkward silence commenced.

Hobbes applauded sarcastically. "Way to go, Calvin. That's a great evolutionary breakthrough."

"And you know what else?" Calvin asked ominously. He then closed his eyes and said, "To escape the tyranny of parental units, we must revolt and flee!"

"So, basically, we act up then run away?" asked Hobbes.

Another awkward silence.

"Hobbes, you're a genius!" yelled Calvin. "In fact, they'll make a plaque, and it will say: 'Hobbes, a tiger who willingly took the high road above the rest of his species and became an incredible role model to his kind by giving Calvin a solution to the problem that was presented by the evil creature known as Mom'!"

"Well, I wouldn't say no to that" Hobbes replied.

"We need to make a plan" said Calvin, beginning to pace. "We have to pack stuff that is most important to our survival."

"Like comic books."

"Correct. And food, of course."

"How do we get out of this room, though? We tried sneaking out, and that didn't work. We tried sneaking out the window, and that didn't work either."

Calvin threw up his hands in frustration. "I'm beginning to think—" _Only _beginning?! thought Hobbes "—that the only way we'll get out of here is to remove my mother from the house!"

A moment of undisturbed silence, then Calvin's face split into a wicked grin. "Who's a genius _now_, Hobbes?"

"Brittney Spears?" Hobbes asked sarcastically.

"No, me, dummy." Calvin took a deep breath. "Here's my plan—"

Hobbes' hand was waving in the air. "Oooh! Oooh! Pick me!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Yes, Hobbes?"

Hobbes began: "Let me guess: we get the chloroform that you've hidden in the chest for three years, sneak out and shove it under her nose, then we drag her unconscious body into the backyard and bury her alive while we escape."

Yet another awkward silence met his speech.

"And they say _I_ have a twisted imagination" said Calvin with a disgusted look on his face. "I think you watch too many CSI shows."

Hobbes shrugged. Calvin then said his idea. "I think we should call out that I cleaned my room, then we lock her in the room."

Hobbes nodded. "That may work."

In the next few minutes, they managed to gather all of the things they needed, like comic books and some candy that Calvin had stored away. They put this stuff Calvin's backpack, and then they did one last scouring of the room before the plan commenced.

"MOOOM! I CLEANED MY ROOM!!"

Mom rolled her eyes and sighed, but walked up the stairs once more. She opened the door and stepped inside. "Calvin, this is a mess! How can you—" She was cut off by the opening of the door, the click of the lock, and the slam of the door.

"CALVIN!! YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, YOUNG MAN!! OPEN THIS DOOR!!"

Calvin laughed silently. Then he and Hobbes bounded down the stairs. They didn't see Mom's cell phone charging, so she must have it with her.

This encouraged them to work faster and faster, as they grabbed other stuff they had left around, and then Calvin found Dad's wallet. Dad was out on a bike ride at the moment and hadn't brought it with him.

"Yess!" he cheered. He waved the wallet in Hobbes' face. "Money money money!" Hobbes sighed. "Put it in the pack."

Then they packed a bunch of non-perishable foods, like cereal and chips and pretzels and stuff, as well as two water bottles that they would fill up when they needed too with somebody's hose.

Finally the backpack was full to bursting with stuff, and both kid and tiger were carrying sleeping bags (in those portable holders).

Calvin said goodbye to the house.

Actually, he said, "SO LONG, YOU SHACK OF EVIL! I'M GOING OUT TO FIND A BETTER PLACE!!"

Hobbes said nothing, just rolled his eyes.

Once outside, they grabbed the toboggan and the wagon. The sleeping bags they dumped in the wagon, the backpack lay on the toboggan.

Calvin picked up the wagon handle and Hobbes grabbed the rope from the toboggan.

I'd like to say that they rode into the sunset, but it was about 3:30 in the afternoon.

So I'll just say that Calvin checked the map and they headed east, towards the city of Moberly, Missouri.

**A/N: How about that, then? Compare that first chapter to the original's first chapter: it's longer, for one thing, it explains more, and it just sounded and looked better when I read it over.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed it, until next time;**

**Skye/Mija/10  
**


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